i made a new "lay...

i made a new "layout" for my "webpage", but freespeech wont let me upload. i have that papa roach song stuck in my head. i'm having what must be my fifth cup of tea. i am very tired.

i watched first...

i watched first love, last rites. i really liked it a lot. rent it. or buy it or steal it or something, i don't care. unless you're like into action movies and umm that type of stuff. it reminded me a lot of heather. and like...stuff. i don't know what's happening to me. i can't stop thinking of her. i can't think. i'm going to call her as soon as i think she might be awake, or wouldn't be horribly impolite to her parents and stuff.

oh yeah, ...

oh yeah, my name's jason. internet heather said so. i don't like reffering to people as 'internet _____', but if i don't it gets confusing. you can see on my friends page. she's the only one. i guess i should make some new friends. i'm not all that good at that though. and friends to me don't seem like things that should just be made. like you go out to the store and buy them or something. i don't know. i'm rambling.

whenever peo...

whenever people present their hand to me in any way i never know what to do. i'm totally clueless. i normally just give them my hand and let them do whatever the feel like with it. to me that would be better than pretending to know what to do.

i don'...

i don't want to ever go to sleep. 'cause then i'll wake up. and i'm afraid of what things will be like when i wake up. but i don't want to be awake either. waiting for change is much to tedious. i don't know what i want. i don't want any of this. i want to be with heather. that's all.

i rented do...

i rented dogma and this movie with the guy who plays phoebe's brother from friends. 'first love, last rites,' or something. heather has not called me back yet. she better or i'm going to have to spend the rest of the night quietly sobbing in the hall closet. wont that be pathetic.

heather called me...

heather called me today finally. i'm glad she called... it just makes me really sad that she could just stop talking to me like that. i thought we were like best friends... but yeah, i guess that just kinda proves once again that everything good i ever have always goes away.

i'm ...

i'm such a loser. i need to get off the internet, i've been on like all day. i think i am going to go read.

dont suck on tea ...

dont suck on tea bags, even if they do taste yummy

oops i ...

oops i forgot to write in this today. i just gave heather (internet heather) a link to this, so.....hi heather. =)

okay, going to...

okay, going to go watch movie now. i hope no one will miss me. i sure wont. of course i'll still be with me. that's what kinda sucks about being yourself...you're always with you. yeah okay. bye.

grr. ...

grr. i want to go to the video store. but my mommy wont take me. i guess i'll just watch IwtV again...

i watched inte...

i watched interview with the vampire again. i guess it's not THAT bad for a movie, i was just really dissapointed after reading the book. but i always am. they like totally messed it up. i guess it's not such a great idea to read books and then see the movie it is made into.

i'm havi...

i'm having a cheese and broccoli potato thing. i think i eat too much. but i never seem to gain much weight. my body must not digest food. i'm like, unwillingly bulimic, or something. it feels like heather is gone. like she has been gone for a thousand years, she has abandoned me. when really it could not have been more than like, a day. but still...i don't know. i'm scared.

i thi...

i think i want a real journal. like, a book, with just blank pages. something that would be really private, that i could write anything in. i don't think i have any secrets. not of my own, at least. but when it's someone elses personal stuff, you don't just advertise it over the internet.

just woke up. ...

just woke up. don't really know what else to say. wow, ever since i got this journal i actually have mail sometimes when i come online. well, sorta. that's amazing.

i'm such a dor...

i'm such a dork, god. why do i ever open up my mouth?

i think i'v...

i think i've totally given up on how i appear to others, or maybe even caring for my physical self all together. i don't really see the point of it. i don't want to be desireable to anyone who wouldn't like me just for who i am, anyway. i mean, not that i am the slightest bit desireable to other people, but i don't see any point in trying to be for anyone that wouldn't love me for who i am despite my appearance however awful it may be. and that's lilke, first impressions. why give a good first impression, when if you are in a long lasting relationship with the person they will find out exactly who you are anyway? if someone doesn't like exactly who i am, i would feel more secure knowing it from the start. okay...i'm just rambling now. so i'll shut up.

today is a ne...

today is a new day. full of opportunity. and endless possibilities. i'm just ecstatic, can't you tell.

i sh...

i should really get a life. i'm always on the internet. when is this long long day ever going to come to an end? maybe i should read or something. okay. byebye now.

i am talkin...

i am talking to sara on yahoo messenger. yay. she is so nice she is my best friend in the whole world. he he he okay really i guess heather is but she hasn't called me all day so for now i'm just gonna say sara. =P i feel really bad though about not getting her book back to her. ah. i suck.

ugh. my dad just ...

ugh. my dad just called, from wherever the fuck he is. and on my phone line for some reason. i think heather is like at that umm thing with keith. i am not in a very good mood.

oww. heartburn....

oww. heartburn.

i'm tireeddddd. i want to sleep. i'm eating vegetarian fried rice. yum. it seems now like EVERYTHING has to be labeled 'vegetarian', or it's like 100% guarenteed to contain meat. i haven't talked to heather today. i wonder what is going on.